Merry Chistmas from Poland

I wondered if i should do this years evaluation, some kind of a reckon of what i did and didn’t, what i hoped i would achieve and where i failed etc etc (you know the drill) After having some thoughts i decided that it doesn’t really matters. I’m still alive, i’m gonna be enjoying another Christmas in a few days with friends and family. I’m still crazy about Kate and nuts about photography, poetry, music in my life. I just like what i do at the time. In a way it’s more than enough. No need to whine about what could’ve been better and why i haven’t accomplished quite much as i planned. I’ve taken what the year had in store for me and i’ll took whatever the forthcoming one will. I’ve given what i managed to give and hopefully i will again in next 2012. Plus there’s a plenty time of the current year yet so again – no need to judge myself and the Universe.

I just want to wish each and everyone of you a happy, joyful end-of-the-year season, in health and good prosper – no matter if you celebrate Christmas or not.
May the Great Cosmic Energy be with you and help you make your dreams come true

I will live you with the words that i really like and learned to inprint into my thinking

Just live that life. It doesn’t matter if it is life or hell, life of the hungry ghost, life of the animal; it’s okay. Just live that life, see (…) Where you stand, where you are, that’s where your life is right there, no matter how painful it is, or how joyful it is. That’s what it is.

Taizan Maezumi Roshi

p.s > as of taking the image above there is no snow in my hometown and it seems like there may be snow-less holiday this year. It’s somewhat weird not having fresh snow falling in Christmas time and from what i recollect i don’t remember this ever be the case. Still hoping to see snow dance when i wake up every day though. Also with writing this i’ll be officially off the map till the next year so see you and hear from you in the new, 2012, year. All the best !

Goodnight city

You can see this bigger on 500px without the bus

I’m rarely proud of my images, but once in a while i will come up with the photograph that makes me smile and say to myself: “Well done, amigo, you got it !”. This is one of them.

I was walking back to my apartment from a street shooting, little tired, but still enjoying, what was suppose to be, the gorgeous sunset. I thought it would be nice to make an image, but on the same note i didn’t want to have yet another sunset photo to store on the hard drive, if you know what i mean. I started desperately looking around for good subject.
I was just passing by the “russian alley”, putting my camera into the bag – entering “give-up” mode – but decided to have one last glance at the sun. And there it was – my subject!
Old orthodox church silhoutteing before me, tree on the side, with sun coming through its branches, distant city miraging behind. I sat my camera on a tripod on the other side of the road and started to compose. I took good amount of shots but none of them ended up like i wanted to, because of all the cars and trucks passing by, messing my frame. I was slowly getting frustrated bu then the bus came along and suddenly something “clicked”. Right at that moment i have, somehow, recognized my final image. I realized i actually want that bus in my frame! I want its roof glowing oh so nicely in those setting rays, the sun beaming through its hazy windows – so i just stood there – ready with my camera. Waiting for another bus to come along. And it did…

Connections play an important role in our day-to-day life. Even the smallest ones, they can provide us with opportunities to meet new people, improve our social skills, form a sense of community or even to make friends. For some people the whole connection thing is an innate gift. For others, like me, that are quite introvert, it’s a little daunting skill, which has to be developed and fine-tuned slowly over time. Even though we do get and understand importance of being able to connect (on whatever level) for us it is a process on its own and it comes up hard.

For me good connection is a function of reciprocal communication
Some have trouble understanding that. Using the same communication approach for every person or in every situation isn’t gonna do any good. It is more than ineffective, it’s futile. What engages one character can dis-engage another. What inspires someone can really intimidate someone else. We really have to communicate accordingly to the situation – perhaps by familiarizing ourselves a little with other culture, maybe by reading people, paying attention to their body language, tone of voice but mostly by listening and understanding what other person is trying to communicate to us.

It is important to remember all this on a basic human level as it is important to us as a photographers. We have to to strive to create the kind of relationship with our subject that is best suitable for making genuine picture of the moment with it. This holds true to almost every kind of photography genres out there. For people phorographer it is bond with the person in front of camera, for landscape photographer it may be a relationship with time and nature, for fine art photographer an interrelation with one’s self, for street photographer with moment and serendipity that’s out there in street chaos, and so on.

In recent e-mail from Flemming, who is a wonderful travel and landscape photographer in the process of making a transition to people photography, he mentioned how hard is sometimes to make a portrait of a person. Especially in some cultures where people are really afraid that camera can steal their souls. This got me thinking of how i would approach such situation. Next day i got a simple little preview of what it’s like.

I was wandering around more of a skid row part of the city when i saw some teenage boys playing in the forecourt of some dilapidated tenement house. I decided that i would like to make a picture of them. There was a crate gate there and i thought it would be nice to make a portraits with it. I anxiously approached the gang and asked. What i got was couple of f…k words and insults and that they refuse to be in a local newspaper again. I thought to myselft that surely there must have been some fuss about that district recently. I decided that i need to explain myself and clarify that i don’t work for any newspaper but guys only got more angry. It surely was a time to scram. But as i was walking away, boy who must’ve been the youngest in the group, came up to me and started to ask all those questions why and for what…i snapped the picture without much thinking but of course it wasn’t any near the portrait i had in mind. Boy was still suspicious. So i set aside my camera and talked to little guy for few minutes. Somewhere along the lines i said sth stupid like: “i just want to make a portrait, because i think it will look cool and if you’ll dig it i can even make a print and give it to you. Don’t you worry you won’t be in any newspaper and you certainly won’t end up in any… PORN!”.

Till now i have no idea why i said that – but strange as it was that was exactly IT !
Boy started to laugh and we ended up ghetto-talking for few more minutes in which, as stupid as this may sound, i got into my hip slang mode (yup! appearantly i got one and it’s working for enabling little boys to have portraits :) After that i asked again if i could make a picture of him. Needless to say it was totally different portrait. Same place, same idea, practically the same composition and light – the only difference was that we had a little chat and i, somehow, made a little guy smile. But what a difference that made.

Back at home i scanned my film, sat in front of my computer and smiled. It was a great day to me and i decided that from now on i will try to make an effort of working on my people skills inspite of my lonely-wolf nature.

Neptun

Another belated postcard from my vacation. This has to be one of the most enchanting hotels i had pleasure to encounter. It’s called Neptun and from the moment i saw it i knew i would like to make a picture. It’s right up the shore, on a slight hill, near the beach. You can wake up, sip a cup of coffe watching the sunrise and you can almost jump out the room to the sands. From what i know it was also in the movie called “Effie” that was an adaption of Theodore Fontane “Effie Briest”. One thing i only wish is that it would be at a more remote beach, but i guess one can always return after holiday season :)

Red

This is new from me. I’m sitting in a cafe, sipping my mocha, editing and sharing a photo that i made just few minutes ago at the mall – and all of this on my brand new iPhone! (yup i finally got one after being scammed couple months ago). Kinda exciting and pretty joyful to be able to make an image without dragging heavy gear with myself. Can’t wait to see the quality from this baby on a big screen when i get home!! But for now this is really COOL

Boy on a sand dune, Słowiński National Park

You can see this bigger on 500px

Forest light

Last couple of months i haven’t been participating much in photography world or so called social media. I haven’t blogged or share a single image. The reason for that was i decided to devote some quality time to replenish myself, photography-wise, work-wise and even relationship-wise as well. My better half and i – we took some trips, we slowed down a bit from all the craziness world was serving us. We especially had an amazing time at the sea and i’ll probably post few late postcards other time.
Anyway back at home i decided to exploit this slowing down a little further with regard to my photography. I got little introspective on my library trying to find commonalities and dominant themes in my work. What i have noticed though was this weird shift – from the images that i was really proud of (not many of those) to the images, especially from second half of the year, i didn’t truly care about. They looked like i was trying to mimic something or someone. Certainly they didn’t look like myself anymore. I think i tried (maybe subconsciously) to seek for scenes & subjects of others, hence photographs i was looking at – well they looked strange and a bit unnatural.

The very same day i was reading some blogs and i stumbled upon an article about
artist and producer – those two “hats” you can wear when approaching any artistic endeavour. Something clicked. I realized i was trying to be exactly that – more of a producer as oppose to being a genuine artist. I want to talk about that a little bit.

For me as viewer and from the final image standpoint (the product) there is not really a substantial difference how the picture comes to life. Yes i can often pick up on if the work seems genuine but those are, pretty much, the only times when i get a chance to meet an artist, share a conversation about his work, or project or a general view of the world. Most of the time i don’t get that opportunity so i have to rely on what i see. So, again for me, i doesn’t really matter if the photograph hanging in front of me is a creation of genuine artist or a clever producer that wants to get mainstream just because sth is selling well at the moment. If it speaks to me, evokes anything in me or i just find it engaging in some ways – great.

But here’s how the things start to be different when you look at this matter from the maker perspective (meaning creative process and actual motivation behind the art work)

Let’s wear an “artist hat” first. When you wear it what do you see ? I see words like “exploration”, “experimentation”, “discovery” also “authentic”, “original” maybe.

And how do you approach your art?

Well, if you happen to wear a true “artist hat” – the one without greedy expactations and neediness of external validation – you are probably lost in your own world, in the process if you will. You just dive into this sweet swirls of making sth, you got pure interaction between you, your single-handed vision and the tools you’re wielding. External motivation is not sth you look for at the moment, the only stimulus is for your work to simply come to existence. You got no inhibitions, no inprinted images in your head (ideally), you’re not taking directions from the world or from your common sense (stuff like ‘what if nobody would understand what i’m trying to say’). It’s just you and pure execution of your imagination. Art as a process itself. Your inner message. No bias.

Have you ever tried to create like that?

Of course we need to still be aware 99% of the artists want to share their work, their message if you will. They have something to say and they want to say it in their own unique way. But remember – i’m talking the “making” part here. There was an episode of Northern Exposure (great show btw) where Chris “in the morning” said something about

taking your ego out of your art

in order to truly engage in artistic process and this is exactly what i have in mind. Caring too much ahead of others opinions at the creation stage can have very disturbing and distorting effect; discouraging too – even to the point that it may even stop you from making your piece at all.

Ok let’s switch hats. You’re on the opposite side of the spectrum now. You’re a producer now and you wear a “producer hat”. You may have lost the touch with your vision, your true self, you bigger idea of what you’re doing or what you really like and want to do. You’re willing to bend whatever there may be to bend in order to meet the short-term validation of a viewer, customer, art critic or whoever. You make a product on demand, something that you know would sell, or you’ve seen someone else is selling well. Your, let’s still call it art, starts to heavily resemble the pieces of others and it slowly gets more false to you. It still sells so you continue doing it and from here it gets even worse as you inevitably start to despise yourself. Maybe you feel like you’re selling yourself a little bit? Not a pretty picture, is it? Plus in addition, unconsciously or not, you participate in homogenization of art. Not good either i think.

Now. Let’s put the hat down for a while and back up in time a little bit. Remember those times in kindergarten? There were two types of activities teacher could engage kids in: processed based ones like clay play, crayon drawing or finger painting, and product based ones which would have a specific result at the end (like coloring pages for example) Former allowed children to experiment, discover and have fun while doing that. The latter seems to always have an effect of all the kids ending up with work that looked similar. Now try to remember: what projects did you like better ?

For me, it is exactly like David once said:

cookie-cutter creative processes result in cookie-cutter art

I think i’ve been guilty of that a little bit this year

So this last month i’ve been trying to let go of things and photograph while wearing the “artist hat” and all i can say to you is that it felt truly great, amazing even. Refreshing for sure. At this moment i don’t even care if there’s something good enough to show of that period. I did it for myself, i explored my creative process and i enjoyed every little bit of it. Few questions still remains for me though.

Is it healthy to wear one hat or the other exclusively?
For example is it really good to wear “artist hat” when your livelyhood or your family depends on it, when it is the question of bringing food to the table or entering “starving artist period”?

What about “producer hat” then ?
Is it worth to risk our art to become gradually soulless and a little less of us?

What should we be ?
Do we, who claim the art to be close to our heart, who claim art as part of who we are, do we really have a choice other than staying true to it and hence to ourselves? Is there some middle ground ? Or maybe we don’t have to choose after all?

I would really like to know what you think.

On a floating night i’m walking. Surrounded by cloak of wind and darkness; kissing flaring sister of the day. Draped in my thoughts and dreams i roam without purpose. Silent spectator of lights and moments. Dying sky pierced with listless stars and absent moon.

With every footstep quiet world uncovers.

With every corner neons blind me

Stinging triangles going through my eyes; they try to adapt but they linger behind.

Seconds forever lost.

…and i’m left with void…

…and i’m walking…in a town of hush…i’m walking.

p.s inspired by Charlene’s Nightwalking series.

Having fun with my Yashi

Before i get to the bottom of my disappearance i’d like to say thank to all the friends who were worried about me being suddenly away from social media, especially girls – Maria, Charlene and Anita. I would lay my head on the block that i announced my social media hiatus (as Stuart has finely called it). Although, as Charlene, i have goldfish memory so i can’t be sure (but if to believe, recent studies show that goldfishes can store up memories up to three months so there’s hope for us loose-heads i guess :P)

Anyway, just so you know i am well, really – no injuries, no horrid accidents, nothing happened to me. Just life. Sometimes more winged, sometimes with extra gravity, but life. Having said that i must confess, that even though it was a rough month or so, few good things happened along the way and on top of that i must say i truly missed you “guys” – all of the photo gang.

Special message for Peter from UK – no, i am not DEAD man! (even though i realize my new avatar may be seen as an obituary-like but i don’t care haha)

Anyway i’m just glad no one came up with the idea to “contact Twitter about a deceased user”

NOW, LET ME STARTED ON THE WHOLE “MYSTERY”.
Shortly before Easter i got a phone call from home that my beloved grandma Anne is in hospital. I rushed back same day to my hometown to visit her, but convincing a doctor to let me in after visiting hours was like fighting with windmills (i was so angry i almost punched him in his bureaucratic face). Even worse was, that night staff haven’t really diagnosed her of that moment so all i knew was that she collapsed two times at her apartment and couldn’t lift herself of the floor. Fortunately my grandma is one tough lady (the kind that walked half a mile to the hospital and into the labour ward after her waters broke just because there was no one home and there were no taxis around) and somehow managed to drop the phone of the wall and call my father who immediately called emergency and ran to help her. Of course grandma being stubborn, insisted on staying at home. Even lifesavers couldn’t persuade her way into the ambulance. Few hours later she fell on the floor again and this time i believe she must’ve realized something was wrong so she let it go. Anyway we spent all night worried sick but the next day we got some informations – good thing was that it wasn’t a stroke, bad that they didn’t knew what could cause this sudden state. They told us her heart was severely weakened and she needed to stay for a week under observation. Anyway – the week has passed with us besides grandma’s bed but from day to day she was getting stronger and finally just before holiday we could take her home. Easter morning was especially joyful this year and we couldn’t be more thankful that we haven’t lost our grandma Anne. We laughed, we remembered the old times and we talked about grandma’s upcoming 80th birthday. We also looked at some old photographs and we made a new ones. Next thing i know it was time for me to head back to work and to Lublin. I left hometown with rather dark, close-call feelings in my head but with joy and relief in my heart.

ONLINE BREAK
I decided to take a break right after the news from home. I knew i would have my head wrapped around other things and that i wouldn’t be dedicated to any of the social media stuff. Also shortly after my return to Lublin, i realized my internet provider no longer serves my area. Tried to switch to another one but with no luck (as me and my other half leave somewhat outside the city). So in addition to taking a break myself i also was left with no choice for almost a week.

BACK AT WORK aka THREE WEEKS THAT I NEVER GET BACK
Also right after i returned i got swamped with work. Me and the team were finishing this huge application for one of the largest media & news platform in Poland. Being senior Adobe Flex & Air developer at my company, working the deadlines and making sure everything is a-ok came with certain cost as i found myself working extra hours and even few nights at home (and everyone knows how i hate bringing work back home). One thing you should know is that i have a nasty habbit from university time when i would literally be sucked into what i call the “coding time-loop”. I wouldn’t sleep, i wouldn’t talk, i would sometimes even forget to eat. That was the case with this project. I needed to do what i needed to do but thankfuly my girl was near this time and didn’t let me starve to death…although i did lost few pounds anyway :)

Anyway, after that i realized that with project being over and my social media hiatus i have considerably big amount of time so i decided to make something out of it.

First of all i felt a sudden urge to vent so i took a few days off. Also as you may know i recently bought a cute rangefinder camera at local shop – Yashica GX. I felt like i owe it a warm welcome so coupled with Yashi, my old Canonet and few rolls of Neopan and Kodak film i roamed for a week shooting just for myself and my own pleasure (really rejuvenating). I even decided to switch my old film scanner to more decent one (Minolta Scan Elite) and i must say i really like the outcome of this baby. I may be even taking up film shooting again.

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Second thing is that i started to work on my first book / ebook (probably the latter). This is kind of a BIG DEAL for me. Can’t really reveal for now what is it about, but i’m sending you a spoil alert for the near future Funny thing is that originally it was going to be an article but i get carried away in the spirit of that before mentioned free time :)
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Another HUGE thing
…is that i finally managed to confirm my first exhibition term (yuppi !) Opening will be at the end of September this year at City’s Public Library, presenting gallery of my images themed “Cracow. The Recollection”. Some of them i already shared online or among friends but the rest of them will see the sun for the first time.

I have also connected with this great non-profit cultural organization from Italy called Cultor so i’m excited about this too – but that’s for another blog post.

Few other things:

• i decided to take up another wedding shoot: it’s not really my thing but i’m quite pleased with the pictures from it (which i’ll be posting soon) and what’s even more important so is happy couple :)
• we’re already planning our holidays: Baltic Sea for total dogging and later Andalusia or Paris for sightseeing and shooting
• a week ago my brother flew off to Holland for work and will be staying there quite some time so i may be visiting him there too
• i’ve read a lot of books
• couldn’t resist and finally bought iPhone 4, waiting for it to come
• my recent “dilemma” is if i should buy a motorcycle or a car :>

Now, ENOUGH about me – i’m more interested how YOU are :> how are the things and what you’ve been up to those weeks ? I realize i have probably lot of catching up (and starting tomorrow i’m on it) but i’d love to hear from you! One thing i already stumbled upon is this exciting new website called Rear Curtain that Sabrina, Ray and Matt have started. It really looks interesting and promising, i’m sure the content is even better so i can’t wait to start on reading. Congratulations guys! I can see Magnum workshop with Larry Towell is over and i missed all the posts on Sabrina’s blog, also i didn’t even realized that A.R.T is already in the progress so i’m sending cheers to all the lucky ones who are attending Artist Round Table at Port Townsend and i’m counting on sharing the impression from the event.